What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 18.06.2025 01:27
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
What do you like about McDonald's?
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I was very sick at this time too.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
How does it feel to watch your wife get fucked hard?
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
When she asked me how she looked .
Are LGBT people accepted in Japan?
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Why do our deceased do not protect us from other bad spirits?
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
My life is so biszare .
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Has Messi scored against the Buffon?
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Can a 40-year-old date a 20-year-old?
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Why do wives cheat on their loyal husbands?
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
What firsthand information do you have on prisoner-on-prisoner sexual abuse/rape?
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I couldn’t, believe it.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Have you experimented with bestiality?
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Is it okay if I sleep with my brother without my husband knowing?
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
As i do to all so called friends.?
She loved him until the end.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I said to her
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
She married twice! .
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
And i lived it daily.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Ive learnt so much.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I will be 64.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I write beautiful poetry .
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Im still living with it.
I don,t even have a pension.
I was 9 years of age.
But it wasn’t much.
I was seconnd youngest,
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Comes on , in middle age.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
But, we were locked up after school.
She was in good health!
She found it foreign!.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I was scared of men, in general
He was dying to do it , i knew.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
So whats the point in blame.
He knew the spot.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Especially a lifetime of it.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Why did i forgive my father ?
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Was to survive, this bastard.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
We were not on the streets..
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I could never make a relationship work though!
Would this be the day?
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Put me off passion for life!!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
All the time i was locked up.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
This is soul school!.
What did i know ?
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Who then, do I blame.?
We all went to grammer schools
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I waited trembling.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
But ive been too sick for many years..
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
One cannot live in the past .
She wouldn,t have been !
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
So, i spoilt her more .
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
My family never makes their pension either.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I have no regrets .
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I think the readers, may guess!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I never cut or harmed myself..
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
He resisted the act ,that day.
It was going to be , some day.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.